Goodbye Cornell (for now)

Im going to be leaving my position here at Cornell, which is in some ways very sad for me. As it turns out its sad for some my co-workers as well. Here is what one of them wrote to me:

Shawn, I wanted to give you the chance to review my farewell message to you. As always, your input is unvaluable to me.


It is with mixed feelings and the taste of bile in my mouth that I bid farewell to Shawn Bower. Shawn is leaving the PeopleSoft developer’s group after a much acclaimed – by him, anyway – stay of nearly two months. As I understand it, that’s about 14 months for a dog. Needless to say, that comparison was made purposely.


I would like to recount Shawn’s many successes while working with the developers but I understand that the lawyers are still looking for them. Not one to impede justice let me just say that Shawn will be missed around here. His lack of attention to detail, his willingness to never lend a hand when needed and his relentless pursuit of mediocrity kept his name on many a person’s lips. I would repeat what was often said of him but I’ve sworn off cursing.


In the short time with us, Shawn has brought about many changes within Information Systems. First, the physical security of Maple Avenue will be beefed up, finally. Second, Human Resources has assured us that future background checks will be more thorough and written references in crayon will not be accepted. Third, direct deposits of paychecks to bank accounts in the Cayman Islands will be more thoroughly scrutinized. I would like to say on his behalf that rumors that Shawn was making money on eBay from his cubicle are false. His main source of income was, of course, from his gambling web site.


On a personal note, I would like to thank Shawn for the friendship we’ve had during his time here. Who can ever forget the time he arranged for the fumigation of my office or the rumors he started of a paternity suit on my behalf. Ah, good times. (As a note, had Shawn stayed at IS, I was assured by HR that I had actionable evidence of bullying and a hostile work environment. So, saved by the bell, huh, Shawn?)


So join me in wishing Shawn good riddance and best of luck on his new endeavor. I’m sure that Shawn will succeed in whatever he tries, as long as it doesn’t require more effort than it takes to breath.


Break a leg, Shawn! Seriously, I mean it.

Update: He did in fact break my leg.